The Economics of Adulthood: It essentially sucks

Active reader, humans are designed to move.

We’ve set up this reality for ourselves in which the only people who run are those who do it professionally or those that overslept on a Monday morning. Also children. For these aren’t hunter-gatherer times you savage and we have comfy chairs and laptops and bedsores.

Where have you BEEN? Oh God everyone hates you…

But movement can also be looked upon as a figurative goal. I wish to progress. The highs and lows of my young life are leaning towards a low. I can see myself approaching madness and do not wish to fall in.

I stood up the other day and heard a crack. You know… a crack of the bone. This is an old people thing or a thing of prematurely old people or something that should not happen to me!

Does being fresh out of uni have no value??

That was over 6 months ago, stop acting as though nothing has happened… Your audience is disgusted

I mean I figured I’d go on holiday, move back home, enjoy time with the parents then apply for work and you know…get a job. After which life commences, I rent a place and save money and travel and live a responsible, happy life. The romanticism around adulthood that the teenage mind concocts is something that I personally believe should be eradicated. With slaps. Slap them silly. Because it sucks. At least in the beginning. Possibly in the middle too. In general there is suckage.

Just ignoring me huh?

But there were signs to this degradation of the mind and will. I didn’t just jump to this after Spain.

So the first sign, because you care deeply I’m sure, is when I tried to open my eyes in the morning and my brain screamed (for some reason in Dylan Moran’s voice) ‘NO! CLOSE THEM YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!!!’  and I  wondered where I went wrong.

*delicate whisper* I missed you…

The next sign was when after banishing the Moran Subconscious and successfully opening my eyes I got out of bed and said hi to Larry before commencing bathroom rituals. After said rituals I returned to my room and wondered how Larry was going to spend his day… I’m just about to turn and ask him when I realise Larry is the name I gave to the common house spider living above my wardrobe that I was too lazy to put out in the garden.

This leads on to the third sign where I took a long look at myself in the mirror, an expression of horror on my face. Horror turned to self-loathing as I became aware that the reason for this foray into insanity is the fact that I still don’t have a job.

I mean I’m your inner critic, I’m meant to be mean but I still love you…

Now… I am consistently applying for work, everyday for a few hours, lack of media-related experience doth not help, but this milestone is no longer as cosy as it once seemed. Thank you Family for opening my eyes and crushing my innocence. I suppose I love you.

Now look at this, this was the plan:

Employment –> Rent Flat –> Get Cat –> Independence Milestone Achieved!

But this is how Family saw my detailed and sagacious future plans:

Yay income! –> WASTE of income! –> Fuzzy allergen WHY?! –> Dead End with no chance of ever buying your own house!

Now they gave me logical reasons for these opinions and presented them in a caring way that showed wisdom, forethought, love and kindness. From what I remember hearing over my screaming, outright denial, glaring (it requires focus) and slamming of things it had something to do with paying off a mortgage being more Something than pouring money into rent.

*happy sniff* A new start! That’s what we need!

A few days later I understood what was being said. And worst of all – it made sense.

In my culture, grown-up kids tend to stay at home even when they get jobs in order to share the family burden. Personally I fancied being a bit selfish and making it on my own. The Parents don’t mind but what I’ve learned is that mortgages, banks, finance and all manner of things I have blocked out of my mind since childhood are now required in order for the Independence Milestone to be achieved. What a sucky revelation.

Best get on with it though, eh?

Also I now have a pet rabbit. Her name is Bino. She is recently widowed so think healing thoughts.

*Random bear hug*

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