Yes, yes, yes this is late. It was Easter; I went to visit The Family. Forgive me O Fantabulous One!! At this rate I’ve pretty much expected having disappointed followers, if any followers at all… whatever a ‘follower’ is… sounds very cult-ish.
I have realised something. I am wholly, completely, totally, entirely, fully, absolutely, downright full of myself.
For most of us we’re the good guys in our tale. I mean unless you struggle with some sort of mind-numbing, fiery self-loathing you’re pretty much the protagonist in your life. (If not then…uh… *mandatory hug*) With every phase of life it’s always ‘You VS Current World Evil’. You against your parents (my God were you wrong), you against The System (yeah you were right but HELL to actually acting on it) or you against that bitch who acts all nice but she totally isn’t (shush up, I have Dumb Woman issues…)
See now I followed that trend quite happily until recently. It has occurred to me that Current World Evil consists of way too much. I fight against unhealthy food, global warming, the government, people who hate cats (seriously, screw you guys), the self-righteous, the overly self-aware about their lack of self-righteousness leading them to be twice as self-righteous as the people they hate even though they won’t admit it because they claim to love everyone and also the people who through abhorring this self-righteousness squared debacle find meaning only in celebrating their detachment by constantly spying on the people they don’t want to be like. Honestly it’s a mad house and so my current plan of action, in a way, makes perfect sense.
Screw you guys, I am retreating within myself for a one person drama featuring the talents of me and Other Me as we clash over our own pretentious notions of self-discovery only to laugh, cry and swoon at nothing that makes any sense to anyone else. This lack of awareness of others will make us laugh and cry and swoon once more as we gain a new sense of meaning in our hatred of one another.
What is my magical solution after discovering the obvious fact that life is complicated and, in my case, riddled with First World, existential problems? I became my own antagonist.
Yep, being the good guy wasn’t enough for my ego, I had to go ahead and become the bad guy too because nobody else was good enough for the part. I suppose because nobody is more damaging to me than myself. It’s indulgent and often a waste of brain power but when it comes to it, it kinda helps having Other Me around. She’s loud and quite mean most of the time. We argue a lot but I’m getting to know her pretty well. She hates me as you would expect and often can be attributed to Writer’s Block.
This is when somebody who considers themselves creative sets out to present a piece of their soul and project it through a medium, be it a painting, a novel or a piece of music. What happens is a little voice inside their heads speaks to them and life turns into a psychological thriller.
I am trying very hard to write a novel here. I don’t really want fame, I do want money but for some reason Other Me thinks I am a talent-less whiny, self-righteous, self-righteousness squared, detached just enough to be aware of it, daydreaming plonker.
Which I feel is uncalled for.
Daydreaming is totally a good thing for a writer.
I’ll let you know next time she acts up. It can be quite amusing.
Till next time my beloved reader!!
p.s. how on EARTH do I tag this post…? How will you find meee my lovelyy?!
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Or read some recent posts that I am quite proud of:
- What the fear of not accomplishing your dreams feels like.5 min read about things that hold us back from living a creative life. There’s a Venn diagram in it!
- I restarted yoga and now I’m better than everyone.8 min ramble about fitness goals, consistency and smugness and how none of it will last.
- Look look look!!!
- I saw myself on camera and realised I’m a tubby now.5 min read about weight fluctuations and the winter funk.
- My Year in Amazon Purchases: What did I lose? What did I gain?Big ol’ 9 min read reflecting on purchases from 2020 and where they may lead in 2021.