Happy new month reader! It has been a while hasn’t i- No don’t throw things at me! Of course I missed you, I thought about you every day. It’s just… I didn’t know what to say and then got sick.
Actually I lie, a week ago I knew exactly what to say. You know those moments of perfect epiphany when words just tumble into your head straight from your muse’s mouth parts and settle into this luxurious flow of wisdom, humour and wit? A tingle runs down your spine, your eyes widen and your hand twitches as you think, oh God yes, yes, yes!! More! Give me mor- hang on I’m confusing something here…
Well, this is awkward…
No my hand was twitching for a pen and paper. Other Me you are disgusting! Shame!
Oh and this epiphany was what exactly? The realisation that your last blog post was half a month ago?
Don’t get sassy just ‘cos your last epiphany was praised by a supremely awesome reader. You are nothing without me! I was so sure that this epiphany would lead to the best blog post I’ve ever written but…
…I was out..
…and was rushing…
… so I forgot my journal at home.
I know I know… it’ll come to me later.
So currently I am in bed with a monster flu that snuck up on me all ninja style by disguising itself as hay fever. Is it just me or does sneezing feel kinda good? It’s like quelling an itch that was inside my soul. Often when I get colds it’s after everyone else has and I just give in to peer pressure like a weak fool. This time around I cannot think of anyone I have come into contact with who is ill. So this means I am the weakest of fools and my immune system went on holiday without getting proper clearance.
It is troubling as I am now delayed in my efforts to see a new baby niece birthed in my family a few days ago. I aimed to be a good aunt and show her what optimum health and a giant fluffy bunny look like and now I can’t. How incredibly pooey.
So whilst bedridden (yes it’s that bad sshh), re-watching all the episodes of Black Books and drinking shocking amounts of honey tea I had time to think about life. I came to some haunting realisations.
So you forced an epiphany on yourself in fear that your new bout of followers would abandon you.
Basically yeah, my ego needs to be fed.
I can respect that actually.
The first is that it feels very nice to lie down and do nothing all day when you actually have an excuse. See when I normally laze about there is this shadow of guilt since I know I am meant to be completing my dissertation and not watching Gintama episodes back to back. But when you’re ill, you’re allowed!
And we’re back to you disgusting me…
The second is that I complain a lot. It’s frustrating because I enjoy being allowed to lie down and do nothing but the fact that I’m ill during it is infuriating.
You have no idea what this blog post is about, do you?
I must have texted all my friends about how bad I was feeling. Called Mother, talked at length about it with Aunt… and now I share it with all of you.
I mean you’re actually complaining about how you complain too much.
And then I remembered something that had happened at work a couple of weeks ago. See I was rushing around looking important (I work in a luxury goods store in central London) when a co-worker casually asks ‘so how’s life?’ My response as I rearranged some fragrances was a mysterious ‘well, as good as it could be I suppose.’ The thoughtful tone in my silky, curiously accented voice (take my word for it) piqued her interest and she asked ‘aw, what’s wrong?’ and it was at that moment I amused even myself.
‘Nothing actually, I’m 21, I don’t really have any problems’.
Oh how we laughed.
Now that is not to say I live a Hallmark life. I know my life and I are far from an ambiguous ‘perfect’.
One of your drafts for a blog post is titled ‘Why I am Useless…’
You’re lazy, insecure, impatient, whiny, hypocritical, self-absorbed and fish for compliments all the time to battle those woes.
You’re really not helping…
What is your point with this post anyway?
My POINT you MEAN thing is that in the grand scheme of things, despite my complaints and so on, I am being quite honest when I say that I don’t really have any problems. See remembering that conversation with that colleague taught me something about myself. Without perspective; I am a whiny mess. Lying in bed doing nothing but moping about the flu is a sad realisation that I am merely finding average everyday things the ‘difficulties’ in my life. And that’s just pathetic. I shall now be happy.
You just spent an entire post moaning about how your life is perfectly fine.
Yes I did. Also I need to stop feeling superior for preferring home remedies over drugs.
So you’ll finally start taking some antibiotics?
Time for some Spongebob.
(Bernard’s beauty taken from blackbooks.wikia.com)
Or join my mailing list. I post irregularly because employment. I promise I don’t have time to spam you.
Or read some recent posts that I am quite proud of:
- My senior cat’s daily routine (includes monster poos and dog beds)5 minutes of descriptive prose of my new cat’s first week with me.
- the Olympics is when I revel in my ignorance of all sports.800 words of confused Olympic joy.
- Do you ignore your tea until it gets cold?3 min quickie about when your tea goes cold. Heavy journalistic stuff. Proceed with caution.
- I took a week off work, but it didn’t change my life.5 min read about expecting too much from yourself because #alwaysbehustlin’
- My Sunday evening: doomscrolling, taking offense and yogaQuickie 2 min read about that dread you feel every Sunday evening.