As I frantically attempt to maintain some integrity as a student, I feel compelled to share with you the strange thoughts I have when asked to do the simplest of things.
A teeny weeny newborn baby? I do not wish to hold it. At all.
No I am not a child-hater or one of those people that complains too much about how annoying children are.
…Because I simply do not wish to hold them; they’re tiny. Put them down somewhere. See now they’re safe. Safe from my irresponsible arms.
I don’t care if you worked hard to birth it, keep its fleshy vulnerability away! >.<
Follow me on Instagram or Facebook, whichever tickles your fancy, if you want. Instagram may have photos of my cat.
Or join my mailing list. I post irregularly because employment. I promise I don’t have time to spam you.
Or read some recent posts that I am quite proud of:
- My senior cat’s daily routine (includes monster poos and dog beds)5 minutes of descriptive prose of my new cat’s first week with me.
- the Olympics is when I revel in my ignorance of all sports.800 words of confused Olympic joy.
- Do you ignore your tea until it gets cold?3 min quickie about when your tea goes cold. Heavy journalistic stuff. Proceed with caution.
- I took a week off work, but it didn’t change my life.5 min read about expecting too much from yourself because #alwaysbehustlin’
- My Sunday evening: doomscrolling, taking offense and yogaQuickie 2 min read about that dread you feel every Sunday evening.
Woah dude, that’s pretty clumsy. Be careful about holding Ming Vase’s or armed grenades too. I don’t like holding babies myself; I share your anxiety.
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It’s like.. a life..you’re holding a whole person. A teeny weeny person incapable of doing anything for themselves.
But i did hold my niece cos i was sitting down at the time. It’s okay, gravity and I were at a stalemate.
But then my arm got tired >.<
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Yeah I’ll hold a baby if I’m sitting. That way if they slip they’ll at least fall on something plush. Babies should be like cats. If they fall from a height they should be able to flip and smoothly land on all fours.
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